Calm

When I was a young woman, thinking of my next step after secondary (high) school, anxienty hit me like a brick.

Letter to my 16-24 yo self

Fear of the Future

I did not even call it fear. This undefined feeling of unwellness emerged in tenth/eleventh grade. As young girls we were told to 'study hard, study even more, then go to uni, get a job, then work work work, and maybe, at the end of the line, you can become a mother.'

Ofcourse it wasn't said in these exact words. However, this does describe the general feeling my best friends and I experienced the rest of our lives: the fear of not being good enough. The fear of not being the woman I should be.

The restlessness of never being perfect or let alone just being good enough... this fear was here to stay. That little voice nagging I was indeed a failure... It took me until I was in my forties (!) to finally realise it wasn't society holding me back, it was ME.

I listened to that little voice. I listened to, and valued, general opinion over my own. I listened. Now listen to this:

Dear me,

where you are today, is exactly the place where you should be. The way you look today is the most beautiful you will ever be. The decisions you make today are the best you will ever make, as long as these are made with a pure heart.

My sweet self, you are perfect. Whenever you are unsure, take a deep breath. Inhale: receive oxygen and energy. Exhale: release bad thoughts and anxiety. Repeat.

Perfection is being kind. Kind to self, kind to others. The only person who knows what's best for you is ... YOU. Follow your energy, follow your effort. If you feel it's worthwile to do so, IT IS. Truly ask yourself: 
is this good for me?

Lots of (Self)Love, yours truly,
Melanie, 47.

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